Selig calls premature end to baseball season

MILWAUKEE, WI — In a stunning announcement, baseball commissioner Bud Selig announced late last night that he is honoring a request from the Milwaukee Brewers to cancel the remainder of the baseball season, thereby crowning the Brewers Central Division Champs and advancing them to the playoffs, which will start on August 20.

In another move, Selig granted the Brew Crew home field advantage in the first round of the playoffs, and extra time to get their rotation set.

“Look, I think we’ve seen who the best teams in baseball are this year, and now the fans want to crown a champion,” Selig said in defending his controversial decision. “What good is going to come from playing out the remainder of the season? Injuries? Pennant races? Give me a break. The best teams in baseball are in the playoffs now, and the road to the championship goes through Milwaukee. All is as it should be.”

Several teams, from the Atlanta Braves to the Chicago Cubs, felt that they were shortchanged by this week’s decision. “I think generally it’s probably more fair that teams know when the season would end,” said Lou Piniella, manager of the Chicago Cubs. “I mean, it’s a bit unusual to just stop a season, but I guess it’s within the powers of the commissioner.”

Selig was not swayed by the criticism. “I’m not sure what they want me to do. Why stop at 162 games? Why not play 200, or 1000? You have to draw the line somewhere.”