Scott Boras’s fantasy team in seventh place

LOS ANGELES, CA — A combination of inattention, bad luck, poor negotiating and questionable player selection has sent Scott Boras’s fantasy team – Bora$ – into a tailspin over the course of the last month.

Bora$ is now ranked 7 out of 10 teams, with 44.5 out of a possible 100 points available in Yahoo! Public League #124967.

“Look, we’re only 4.5 points out of fifth place,” Boras stated, “and now that the 15^th has passed, we’ll have more time to work on this.”

Indeed, August 15 is the Major League Baseball signing date, the date by which all 2007 draftees must either sign contracts with their teams or go back to college and wait for a future draft. Boras, who just helped Rick Porcello ink a $7 million major league deal – the richest bonus in human history – had a number of players unsigned right up to the deadline.

“The day job is taking up a lot of time these days. So that’s part of the issue,” Boras said. “Also, I got fleeced on a couple of deals; I traded for Luke Hochevar, and that was a mistake – he’s not even in the big leagues. But I still expect Luke to have a 20-plus year career that will net him several Cy Young awards.”

Other players in the league were bemused to find out that Boras was actually the manager of Bora$. “Well, it sort of makes sense to me,” said Ryan Dominguez, 17, of Jefferson City, Mo. “I mean, who else but Scott Boras would have Mike Pelfrey starting 20 games for him this year? And he’s kept Mark Texeira in his lineup the whole season, offering him to all of us in a trade pretty much every day.”

Boras has never finished above third place in a fantasy league, though he does hold a record for the largest fantasy bonus ever awarded to a player, with an imaginary $4 million bonus given to “Mad” Max Scherzer, who Boras also drafted this season, in spite of the fact that he was playing for an independent league team.

“Yahoo!, like Major League Baseball, keeps changing the rules on me,” Boras said. “So in that sense, the game is very realistic. Realistically annoying. But we’ll keep plugging away. I think we are in a good position to pick up a point in steals next week.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!