Henry excited for super bowl

DENVER, CO — Sitting comfortably at a picnic bench at Denver Broncos’ training camp, newly acquired running back Travis Henry took the opportunity to contemplate his future.

Looking whimsically at the clouds rolling by above, Henry was candid about his four-game suspension in 2005 for violating the NFL’s substance abuse policy and how it changed his outlook.

“The Good Lord has blessed me with the talent and drive to be a great running back in this league, and I need to make sure I don’t waste that gift,” Henry told SSNN. “That being said, I love getting high as a motherfucker, and when I retire I’ll be whiffin’ the nuge all damn day.”

Despite his passion for blazing the sweet leaf, Henry has refrained this off-season; one more failed drug test would lead to an automatic one-year suspension. But staying clean hasn’t been easy.

The itch to jib the nub can come on “fast and furious,” according to Henry, particularly in the stoner-friendly environment of Denver, CO. As a result, he’s taken a number of steps to ensure that he doesn’t slip up in a moment of weakness. For example, he has kept his impressive collection of bongs – featured prominently in the July 2005 issue of High Times – in long-term storage. He deleted his dealer’s phone number from his cell phone, and has kept his pantry devoid of Doritos, Cracker Jacks, and other munchies as a way of lessening his enthusiasm for the overall hippy lettuce experience.

“If I can’t eat a box of Oreos and watch tapes of Japanese game shows after firing up the cheeba, it’s not hardly even worth it.”

The Broncos are supportive of Henry’s newfound sobriety, going so far as to put incentives in his new contract for each month he passes his drug test. Bud Marin, the head of the Broncos’ Legal Affairs Department, explained that Henry could receive “up to 20 pounds of Colorado’s dankest Phatty Boombatty, which of course is legal phraseology for $500,000.”

But, for now, Henry is on the straight and narrow, his focus on helping his new team make the playoffs.

“Getting to a Super Bowl sounds appealing on so many different levels – I knew I chose football for a reason.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!