Gorzelanny looks to sell high on self

PITTSBURGH, PA — Pittsburgh Pirates starter Tom Gorzelanny has had the rights to himself in his fantasy baseball keeper league since acquiring himself on waivers immediately after the draft. Sitting at 10-6 with a 3.50 ERA, the 25-year old is now hoping he can use himself to acquire some much-needed power for the stretch run.

“Look - this may be as good as it gets for me. As a Pirate, it’s hard to imagine I’ll get many more wins this season,” Gorzelanny candidly told SSNN. “I’m in second place right now, and my biggest weakness all season has been homers. I’ve been starting Conor Jackson as my utility guy, and he’s just not cutting it right now. The way I’ve pitched this year, I think I can sell someone on my future prospects.”

Gorzelanny doesn’t want this to be misconstrued as a lack of self-confidence. He says he’s not so much concerned about his own performance as loaded with pitching and needing some help in the home run department.

“My staff is aces, baby. I’ve got Peavy, Santana, Beckett - it’s freaking ridiculous, actually,” the young southpaw explained. “There are a couple squads in the cellar with good power hitters, and I’m thinking I can make a trade that works for both teams - they get my future, I get a championship now. After all, there’s no guarantee I’ll keep this pace up, and even if I do the Pirates will probably always suck. I need to sell myself high and make my move right now. Oh, and don’t tell Freddy Sanchez, ’cause I can fleece him if he doesn’t know what’s coming.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!