FCC to take on White Sox

CHICAGO, IL — Early Monday, the FCC announced their newest target in television indecency: the Chicago White Sox. While this marks the first time that a government agency has publicly denounced a professional sports franchise, it does mean that the forgettable 2007 White Sox will be remembered for something.

“Look, we understand the White Sox have been a disappointment, but that’s no excuse for them to use that kind of language,” FCC advocate Tipper Gore said. “Cameramen have to stop showing A.J. Pierzynski walking back to the dugout after a strikeout, or White Sox games will no longer be televised.”

The FCC estimates that Pierzynski will make between 350 and 400 outs this season, leading to a dangerous amount of f-bombs on television. Couple that with a struggling team and an equally potty-mouthed manager, and the White Sox are something of a curse-word dictionary.

“You don’t have to be a lip-reader to know what Ozzie Guillen thinks of Jose Contreras‘ performance this season,” Gore said. “The worse part of it is having kids like Danny Richar and Jerry Owens exposed to it. Surely they don’t talk like that in the minor leagues.”

White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf said that while he was “pretty f-ing pissed off” about this ordeal, the team would cooperate with the FCC.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!