Crosby spitting "minor-league game"

OAKLAND, CA — As the 2007 season becomes a total wash for the Oakland A’s, none of the players have been more disappointing than Bobby Crosby. Monday brought new revelations about the injured shortstop that will cement 2007 as a year best forgotten.

Apparently, along with his hand, Crosby’s game is broken.

“He has minor-league game,” said Nick Swisher. “He can barely pick up girls, and when he does they’re usually fatties or community college students. You know, commuters.

“Look at Chavy,” Swisher continued, referring to third baseman Eric Chavez, also injured. “He’s hurt, and he can’t hit anymore either. But you should see the chicks he gets – nines and tens across the board.”

One reason for the sharp decline in Crosby’s playa percentage start with fantasy baseball’s rise in popularity among women. “I get a lot of questions about my BABIP,” Crosby said. “A few weeks ago one chick [shown at right] said she’d sleep with me if I swiped three bases that week. But you know how this team is about steals.”

Another potential clause for Crosby’s struggles is the departure of the A’s self-anointed “Capitane d’Poonanner,” Barry Zito, across the bay to the Giants.

“Let’s face it,” Zito said, when asked about the situation. “Without the Capitane around, there is a lot less spillover for guys like BC. Besides, even if I was there, I am not sure how much I would be able to help him with a 4.88 ERA. And that’s in the NL!”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!