Coach not hopeful for Beckham impact

LOS ANGELES, CA — Less than a month into the David Beckham experiment, Los Angeles Galaxy coach Frank Yallop already considers Beckham a bust; but not for the reasons that you may think. Yallop spoke exclusively with SSNN, as we were the only media outlet willing to speak with an MLS head coach.

“It’s not the injuries or the ridiculous contract,” Yallop said. “Beckham isn’t going to work here because – and I hope your sitting down – Americans don’t like soccer. It’s a crazy and revolutionary theory, but I’ve been researching and developing the idea for a while and I’m fairly confident in my assertion.”

Yallop said he came to this realization after a number of awkward conversations with residents of Los Angeles.

“I tell people I work for the Galaxy, and they think it’s a bar or strip club,” he said. “No one over the age of 12 knows we exist. People think it’s great that we have 30,000 people at our games, but our most expensive ticket is $10. We have to keep prices down because 10-year-olds’ allowances are only so big, even in LA.”

Yallop added that he was not worried about being fired, as he is not being paid to coach the team since Beckham signed his contract. He also said he is not sure that the Galaxy’s owner even knows he purchased the team.

“We told him there was a futbol team for sale, but I think he heard football,” he said. “He keeps on asking when our first exhibition game is… I just don’t have the heart to tell him the truth.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!