Bowden trying to re-create Reds

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the recent addition of Wily Mo Pena, acquired in a trade with Boston, Washington Nationals GM Jim Bowden is continuing his attempt to rebuild the Cincinnati Reds team he operated in the early 2000s, this time in Nationals uniforms. Players from that team now dressing for the Nats include Austin Kearns, Dmitri Young, Felipe Lopez, D’Angelo Jimenez, and Ryan Wagner.

“Well, it may not have shown in the record, but that team was SOOO good in batting practice,” the former Reds GM said. “The guys just mashed the crap out of the ball. It was really a blast to watch – I mean, the fans know a lot of those guys as strikeout artists, but they rarely strike out in BP.”

Bowden has vowed to build a “near-perfect replica,” of the Reds of the early part of the millenium.

“I haven’t been able to get my hands on Adam Dunn yet – can’t figure out why, he’s not hitting for average at all,” said Bowden. “I’ve also got a call in to the Todd van Poppel camp – that guy is one of the best BP tossers of all time. I haven’t heard back yet, but I’m hoping we can sign him for the minimum. To be honest, we don’t even know where the money’s coming from these days.”

Bowden has also expressed interest in bringing in Rob Deer as the teams hitting instructor. Deer still holds the AL record for strikeouts in a single season (186 in 1987) and lowest batting average with enough at bats to qualify for the batting title (.179 over 448 at-bats in 1991) but is perhaps more famous for the 1987 home run that gave the Brewers 12 straight wins to open the season and landed him on the cover of Sports Illustrated.

“Rob would be a great fit, because he’s exactly the type of player we’re looking for,” Bowden admitted. “Sure, he never really hit anything but homers, but when you’re not competing it’s sometimes better to just swing for the fences.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!