Baseball geek in Detroit has erotic dream about Rick Porcello

DETROIT, MI — John Marshall, a 19-year old Detroit native, awoke Thursday morning feeling spry, as usual, until a creeping feeling got the best of him. “You know how sometimes you don’t remember your dreams at first, and then they get stronger and stronger as the day goes on? Well, that’s what happened to me,” Marshall said. “I woke up and I realized that I had dreamt about Rick Porcello; no big deal, right? Then I remembered that we had been kissing. Then I remembered that we were in the shower together, and his skin was really smooth, and instead of water, the showerhead was spewing out seven million dollars in signing money and 12-to-6 curveballs.” Porcello, the Tigers first round pick, signed this week for a then-record bonus. “I have been getting a few calls about this stuff,” the young pitcher said. “I don’t know if Detroit has a large homosexual population, or if its something in the water, or what. I just know that I am apparently spending a lot of time naked in the dreams of young men, and all that I have to protect me are my four plus-pitches.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!