A-Rod torturing Jeter over dinner tab

BRONX, NY — Citing an agonizingly annoying three months, Derek Jeter has reportedly decided he’s done accepting anything from Alex “A-Rod” Rodriguez. Ever.

The revelation comes after Rodriguez spent over 90 days harrassing Jeter about a $193 tab that Rodriguez picked up when the two went to dinner at Broome St. Bar. The night started innocently enough, according to Jeter. The pair split some spinach-artichoke dip and chatted about the imminent arrival of Roger Clemens, the “funny secret” that Hideki Matsui told them about Ichiro, and a couple of other Yankee matters.

“Things were going fine,” Jeter said. “I ordered a second bottle of wine, and A-Rod sort of looked at me funny. Then he declines dessert, but when the bill comes, he demands to get it. We argued about it for a second, and then I let him take it. Big mistake.”

“Yeah, I paid the bill,” A-Rod said. “It was my treat. After all, it is incumbent upon me to help out players that are not as well off financially. All I ask for is a bit of appreciation. But there is a simple, underlying question here … Do you really need that second bottle of pinot noir?”

According to Jeter, he thought that the incident was over after that night, but that was not the case. A-Rod, allegedly, has taken to some interesting methods to express his displeasure.

“He’s really pissed off about the Pinot Noir,” Jeter said. “And he’s pretty passive-aggressive. For example, when he calls me off for a popup, he yells ‘Wine!’ instead of ‘Mine!’ It’s hard to hear in the stadium sometimes, but after three months, you get the point. He’s also started to use the word ‘Noir,’ a lot – I mean, more than any regular person should. He says things like, ‘I really like how the White Sox wear noir socks, don’t you?’ It’s really incredibly annoying.”

“Look, I’m just trying to win games,” Rodriguez replied. “Can I help it if one of my teammates has a more obtuse view of finances? No. I’m just glad I left the tip – I’d hate to see how badly he would have stiffed that waitress.”