Skiles faces suspension for running of the Bulls

CHICAGO, IL — Chicago Bulls coach Scott Skiles has been found to be in violation of rule 38B of the official NBA code of conduct which states that “Teams may not participate in any events which cause physical harm to those involved.” Commissioner David Stern has become increasingly perturbed at violations of the code in the wake of events such as the Pistons/Pacers brawl, Knicks/Nuggets scuffle, and Spurs/Suns incident. In addition to enforcing the new NBA dress code to reduce the thuggish image of the league’s players, Commissioner Stern has been strict in dealing with any conduct thought to be detrimental to the league.

NBA Executive Vice President of Basketball Operations Stu Jackson announced Monday that Skiles faces a minimum 20 game suspension as a result of permitting the Bulls to gore innocent people throughout the streets of Pamplona, Spain. Skiles and his representatives claim that the bulls accused of such an act are not under his control; that they are in fact real bulls, not members of his basketball team.

Unfortunately for the Bulls and their coach, Jackson and Stern have instituted a zero tolerance policy and are not hearing any disputes thereof. They claim that the negative publicity this incident has brought to the league is more than enough grounds for Skiles’ suspension.

The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals are steadfastly in favor of the ruling, and according to sources within the league office Stern and Jackson will be offered a year’s supply of free veggie burgers if the suspension goes through and the NBA returns to a synthetic basketball.

“The days of understanding and tolerance on my part are through,” Stern told SSNN in a phone interview. “Rules are rules, and if you are in violation of them, you will be punished.”

The Chicago Bulls organization plans to file an appeal, but it will not be heard for at least another year while the disciplinary committee works on new strategies designed to screw over the Phoenix Suns.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!