Prematurely obtained Henin blood no longer useful

LONDON, ENGLAND — A cup of Justine Henin’s blood obtained by Venus Williams – who had planned to drink it before their Wimbledon Finals matchup – may now go to waste, following Marion Bartoli’s upset victory over the top-ranked Belgian superstar.

“I got a cup of her blood,” Williams told a reporter who asked whether she was surprised by Henin’s loss. “I was totally going to drink it tomorrow morning before the final. Now what am I going to do with it? I don’t want to throw it away, but by the same token, I don’t want to drink her blood if I’m not playing her. It’s sort of a catch-22.”

Wimbledon officials have no information as to how Williams obtained Henin’s blood, or whether there are any rules preventing one player from digesting the blood of an opponent prior to a match.

“It certainly is not specifically prohibited in the rules,” Wimbledon official Michael Teague told SSNN. “So there’s that.”

Williams is toying with the idea of saving the blood – on ice, naturally – for ingestion before a future match with Henin. She also reported that an offer to trade a cup of mint Henin blood for a cup of Bartoli blood was rejected by the Bartoli camp.

“They didn’t even counter-offer,” Williams said. “That’s just poor sportsmanship if you ask me.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!