Oden to miss season with ED

PORTLAND, OR — Mere days after the announcement that number one overall NBA draft pick Greg Oden will miss the rest of summer league play in order to get his golf-ball-size tonsils removed, sources within the Portland Trailblazers organization report that Oden faces a career-threatening case of erectile dysfunction. He will miss at least the entire upcoming season while he visits with Rafael Palmeiro and Mike Ditka in an attempt to decide who hawks the better product. Also on the agenda for Mr. Oden is a meeting with former NBA player Shawn Kemp, an expert in the reproductive arts. The city of Portland has pledged their support to Oden, but others are crying foul – conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh has publicly denounced Oden’s desire to use ED medication as an attempt by the liberal media to corrupt the morals of America’s citizens. Though they say they will stand by Oden during his convalescence, the Blazers have apparently asked Commisioner Stern for a re-do of the NBA draft, but rumor has it that this request is motivated by the desire to have another ridiculous round of congratulatory back-patting in the draft war room after the announcement of the pick.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!