Kobayashi files lawsuit

LOS ANGELES, CA — Famed competitive eating champion Takeru Kobayashi served up a spicy-hot lawsuit to fellow competitor Joey Chestnut Tuesday morning outside of his New Jersey residence. The lawsuit comes only 17 days after Chestnut took the Nathan’s Hotdog Eating Championship title away from Kobayashi at the annual Fourth of July event; a title Kobayashi has held for the past six years. “Obviously I am extremely shamed by my failures at Nathan’s this year,” Kobayashi said through an interpreter. “But I was dishonored by Joey Chestnut after he used the ancient secrets my forefathers had passed down to me. These secrets are what help me transform into super-godzilla-dragonball-X eating champion and he stole them.” Documents obtained by SSNN reveal that Chestnut had worked for Kobayashi for three months in 2004 and was mostly responsible for the former champ’s rarely used vomit-bucket. Chestnut resigned from the honorable position due to salary disagreements and left to pursue his own competitive eating glory. Kobayashi’s main contention is that Chestnut used the family secrets to beat him in this year’s hotdog championship and is looking for an unspecified amount in damages.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!