Kemp to endorse Trojan Condoms

SEATTLE, WA — At a press conference late Wednesday, a spokesperson for Trojan – the popular condom company – announced a new commercial campaign that will feature former NBA player Shawn “The Rainman” Kemp. Kemp, who at last count has more illegitimate children than anyone cares to count, was not present at the media event, but spoke to SSNN from his Seattle-area home. “I’m absolutely thrilled about this endorsement opportunity,” the former Sonics star gushed. “Not just because I was going to have to file for bankruptcy and sell my home, but also because it gives me an opportunity to speak to the youth – even those that are not spawned from my own powerful seed – about safe sex, and being responsible.” The campaign will appear in a variety of media, from print ads to billboards to television commercials. The latter are only in the preliminary stages of planning, but sources inside Trojan report that every TV spot is expected to prominently feature the song “Ooh La La,” by The Faces.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!