Jordan establishes charity org.

BEAVERTON, OR — For years, Michael Jordan’s critics have chastised him for not using his substantial fame and personal wealth to help create positive social change in the world. Today he sought to silence those critics with the introduction of his new children’s charity, Kids Need Air Jordans. Proudly standing in front of Nike’s headquarters, he talked about his vision to make the world a better place.

“It is my dream that, one day, every child under the age of 18 will have at least one pair of Air Jordans, now available in new colors such as gold and eggplant, and that they will wear them regularly to school and other places where they can influence others to buy them. It doesn’t matter if you’re black, white, Democrat, Republican, Christian, Muslim, male, female, Chinese, Japanese, heterosexual, homosexual, bi-sexual, non-sexual, slightly retarded or completely retarded – there is a pair of Air Jordans for you.”

According to Jordan’s written press release, the basketball superstar’s entrance into the world of philanthropy was the brainchild of his long-time agent, David Falk. After months of negotiation, Falk worked out a deal whereby Jordan and Nike would partner to ship over a million pairs of Air Jordans to some of the fastest developing countries in the world. The lone criteria for selection was simple – which countries are closest to developing an economy that could sustain demand for Air Jordans in the future?

“On its most charitable level, we’re giving kids a basic necessity – shoes – but I like to think it’s more than that,” stated Falk. “We’re bringing joy, a boost in self-esteem, and an insatiable appetite for Jordan-endorsed luxury athletic wear to these kids. Let’s see Kobe do that.”

When asked if there were more pressing global concerns to address, such as trying to solve world hunger, Jordan put his chosen cause in perspective.

“Kids Need Air Jordans will put shoes on the feet of those who are ready to become responsible consumers in this increasingly global economy, not in the hands of those who are so starving that they’ll try to eat the shoes before their friends and neighbors see them.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!