Grossman “in midseason form” at start of training camp

LAKE FOREST, IL — The Chicago Bears took the field today for their first practice of training camp, and as usual all eyes were on Rex Grossman. Grossman did not dissapoint the media and fans that attended, completing nearly 48% of his passes. “It feels really nice to get back on the field and pick up where I left off,” Grossman told SSNN. “I was pleasantly surprised, to be honest – I really felt like I was in midseason form.” The practice reached it’s apex when Grossman amazingly threw three consecutive interceptions in an offense-only drill. Somehow he was picked off by people standing on the sidelines; one of whom was 12-year-old Bears fan Samantha Horseshadow. “I was standing there on the sidelines, and I just read his eyes. I mean, he was staring me down; he never even tried to look off the safety. There was no doubt in my mind where he was going to throw it.” In a related story, Head Coach Lovie Smith was seen swallowing pills and muttering, “Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!