Garland gets Sox back on track

CHICAGO, IL — After splitting a series with the Baltimore Orioles and improving to 8-3 over their last 11 games, fans and players alike were beginning to wonder whether the White Sox had turned a corner and abandoned their losing ways forever. With a 3.1-inning outing in which he allowed 12 runs (11 earned) Sox starter Jon Garland assuaged the fears of his teammates and the City of Chicago. “I heard the whispers starting,” Garland told reporters as reliever Nick Masset allowed two runs of his own in the fifth inning. “You know, ‘can they turn it around?’ and ‘they’re only 10 games out of the division lead - there’s a lot of baseball left.’ Well that’s just ridiculous, and I hope today showed people that.” Garland went on to say that he hopes his outing can spur the Sox on to a sweep at the hands of the Twins, which would drop the club to 12 games below the .500 mark at the All-Star break and effectively erase any hope of them getting back in the playoff race. “I’m just looking out for the good of the team,” Garland said. “If you’re gonna be bad, you might as well be the worst. That way you get the number one draft pick - and I hear this Oden kid is really gonna be great.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!