Garcia levels accusations against Carnoustie

CARNOUSTIE, SCOTLAND — Two days after a heartbreaking loss at the British Open, Sergio Garcia is not blaming his final round collapse on an inability to control his nerves or sink big putts, but rather on the haggis he ate the night before.

Carnoustie officials invited the then-leading Garcia to a traditional Scottish dinner held on Saturday, an offer he graciously accepted. On the menu was haggis, a Scottish dish consisting of a mixture of the minced heart, lungs, and liver of a sheep or calf mixed with suet, onions, oatmeal, and seasonings and boiled in the sheep’s stomach.

“They didn’t tell me what was really in it until I’d eaten several helpings,” Garcia told SSNN. “I was complementing the chef on his tasty, hearty oatmeal and he just started laughing at me. When I found out there was sheep heart in there, well… Let’s just say it tasted a lot better on the way down.”

Garcia seemed to accept defeat graciously while on the course, but the Spaniard revealed his true feelings in an e-mail sent to Carnoustie’s Club Captain Alex Brown. While contents of this e-mail remain largely private, Brown did say that it included vulgar language and accusations of an attempt to poison Garcia.

“We had no intention of causing any health problems for Mr. Garcia,” assured Brown. “We reserved all of those for Steve Stricker. We honestly just thought he’d like to enjoy a nice, Scottish meal.”

In the aftermath of his disastrous Open finish, Garcia also announced that he is taking several months leave from the PGA in order to star in a series of new Smirnoff Ice commercials.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!