Fever, Liberty game 63% more boring than usual

INDIANAPOLIS, IN — In what some attendees described as “just this side of Lunesta,” the Indianapolis Fever caged and shackled the New York Liberty, 79-63. According to a survey conducted by the SSNN research team, the contest was 63% more boring than the average Fever game, though only 57% more than the whole league on the par. “I slept through the third quarter and the first two minutes of the fourth, but it still felt like forever,” said Bob Askerantz, who told SSNN that he trades off taking his daughter Julia to Fever games with his wife. “This was definitely the most boring of the year - I mean, they won their fifth game in a row, but then I find out that five-in-a-row is a team record. Sorta takes the fun out of it, somehow.” As excruciating as watching this game seems to have been, Fever officials assured SSNN that there was only one death, and that “at 93 years of age, Mr. Stellaro would likely have passed in the next couple of weeks anyway.” As of press time, the Indianapolis city morgue had not returned messages regarding a pending autopsy.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!