Cubs lose 20 millionth video game

CHICAGO, IL — It was a noble stand for about a week, but the video game Chicago Cubs finally succumbed to the unstoppable force of history.

The Cubs, stuck at 19,999,999 losses for the last six days, fell 6-2 in the hands of skipper David Martin, 13. Martin’s Cubs lost to his buddy Geoff Johnson, who was playing with the Atlanta Braves on a game of the original Ken Griffey, Jr. Baseball for N64.

“I am sad it was me who did it,” Martin said. “But you gotta hand it to the other guys; I mean, 20 million dudes can’t just get lucky, right?”

Some Cubs, including left fielder Alfonso Soriano, could not believe Martin’s relaxed approach to his defeat.

“Are you freaking kidding me?” Soriano asked. “Cubs versus Braves in Griffey? That’s like, what, 1997 or something? Does he have any clue how bad the Cubs were back then? Next you’re going to tell me that the game was played on the road.”

Following the Cubs are the New York Mets, who have lost 17 million (and change) games. Ironically, the Kansas City Royals have lost the least amount of games, posting a 2-3 mark in the five games recorded for them throughout video game history.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!