China, Milwaukee agree to terms

MILWAUKEE, WI — After initial hesitation amongst Yi Jianlin and his representatives, the Chinese government and the City of Milwaukee have reached an agreement that benefits all parties involved. According to the latest reports, Yi Jianlin has agreed to sign with the Milwaukee Bucks after the Chinese government persuaded him that the deal was a coup for the nation of China.

In exchange for Jianlin’s services, the city of Milwaukee will give the nation of China the chorizo sausage mascot costume used during sausage races at the Milwaukee Brewers’ home games. Sources close to the deal say China hopes to use the mexican sausage as the official mascot for the upcoming 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing, with the goal being the attraction of thousands of Mexican tourists, thereby flooding the Chinese economy with millions of valuable pesos.

While Milwaukee’s lack of a strong Asian population was initially a concern among Jianlin’s handlers, approximately 300 million Chinese immigrants are now making plans to immigrate to the Milwaukee area in a show of solidarity for Jianlin, who many now consider a national hero. The season ticket waiting list for the Bucks has grown to astronomical proportions.

The Brewers, on the other hand, are anticipating a significant attendance hit amongst the Hispanic population with the city government having Shanghai’d the Chorizo costume. [Ed. Note: We hope you will forgive our writer's calloused, cold-hearted, borderline-racist double entendre. Unfortunately, we couldn't come up with a word to replace "Shanghai'd" that really meant quite the same thing.] Plans to introduce a new Longaniza sausage costume are currently in the works.

Milwaukee is facing a severe housing shortage as a result of the millions of Chinese immigrants arriving daily, but efforts are being made by Nike to open a number of factories to provide jobs for the city’s new residents and stoke the local economy.

In the wake of the successful negotiations the governments of Milwaukee and China are believed to already have another deal in the works, with discussions about sending Prince Fielder to China for a package including a panda bear named Wang-Wang currently under way.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!