Buehrle contract more complicated than first thought

CHICAGO, IL — Early Sunday it was reported that the Chicago White Sox and left-hander Mark Buerhle agreed to a four-year contract extension. Reports in previous days had said that talks between Buerhle and the team were dead, with the pitcher demanding a no-trade clause and the Sox not willing to give him one. In the end, the two sides agreed to an 18-month no-trade clause and a salary bump if he is traded. But as the day has worn on, more and more information about the contract has been revealed.

“Mark and Mr. Barry [Jeff, Buerhle's agent] were very demanding, but they always insisted that Mark wanted to stay with the Sox,” said Kenny Williams, White Sox general manager. “Without giving up too much, Mark now has a large say in all trades and personnel moves, as well as a wife-swap option with teammates and management. Mark and his wife are quite the swingers, you know.”

Williams added that in addition to $56 million over the next four years, Buerhle also now owns the White Sox logo and all likenesses, the organization’s rookie league affiliate in Bristol and most of U.S. Cellular Field. Somehow, Buerhle also ended up as the majority owner of the Kansas City Royals.

“The Royals actually called us,” Williams said. “All they wanted was a Buerhle jersey and a Single-A pitcher.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!