Bonds receives message from fans

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — In a stunning rebuke from the fans of baseball, Barry Bonds received only 2.5 million votes for the All-Star Game, and was barely elected to be a starter over Alfonso Soriano.

Bonds, who faces tremendous criticism from all sides due to his alleged steroid use and other acts of malfeisance, was nearly left off the All-Star roster entirely.

“I hope Barry realizes how much the entire United States population hates him,” said fan Rhonda Edwards, 33, of Santa Cruz, Calif. “I mean, seriously, 2.5 million votes? Maybe he’ll rethink his behavior.”

Bonds was thrilled to have been elected to the game, and it was clear that his view on the world had been changed by the event. “Look, I almost wasn’t a starter. If there was ever evidence that what I did was wrong, then, seriously, this was it. I almost didn’t get elected for my twelfth All-Star start. The fans have lost faith.”

Bonds is planning on taking several days to re-evaluate his entire approach to the media. “There is still time,” he said Sunday. “There is still time. Perhaps in the future I’ll be able to convince the fans that I’m not such a bad guy. I just hope that when it’s all said and done, I’m not remembered as the guy who got only 2.5 million All-Star votes. There’s so much more to me than that, you know.

“So much more.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!