Atlanta places franchise tag on Freddie the Falcon

ATLANTA, GA — In light of recent dog-fighting allegations against star quarterback Michael Vick, the Atlanta Falcons have decided to shift their focus. In an attempt to hold on to the members of their fan base appalled by Vick’s animal cruelty, the team has placed the franchise tag on free-agent mascot Freddie the Falcon.

The franchise tag allows teams to hold onto one of their free agents for a guaranteed one-year deal at a salary equal to the average of the five highest salaries at the position.

If Atlanta had not used the tag, they would have faced stiff competition on the open market for Freddie’s services. Teams reportedly interested in Freddie include the Arizona Cardinals, Seattle Seahawks, Baltimore Ravens, and Philadelphia Eagles. Although all of these teams have different bird species as their mascot, reports are that this was not a matter of concern.

“Do you honestly think our fans know the difference between an eagle and a falcon?” asked Philly General Manager Tom Heckert. “Hell, a majority of those bozos don’t know the difference between a urinal and a beer vendor.”

In the open market, Freddie could have commanded a deal in the 6 year, $54 million range. However, because of the franchise tag, Freddie will reportedly earn $6.3 million next season.

“Freddie is the finest mascot in the NFL,” said Drew Rosenhaus, the mascot’s agent, in an interview with SSNN. “He deserves to be compensated accordingly. Any thing less than the $8 million per year deal Roary the Lion received last year is an absolute travesty.”

It appears a holdout may be imminent.

“Look, we are not slaves to the NFL,” continued Rosenhaus. “If the Arena Football League, or the Canadian League offers a deal to our liking, we will not hesitate to accept. We might even consider going to Australia if the Australian Football League is willing to pay the price. Freddie happens to be a huge fan of the Bloomin’ Onion.”

The Falcons organization is expected to stay strong throughout the ordeal. Team owner Arthur Blank has reportedly told confidants that he will not allow “one dirty bird” to dictate how the team goes about its business. Some members of the organization, however, are ready to let Freddie walk.

“There is only one kind of bird we want around here,” said running back Warrick Dunn. “And that’s Michael Vick’s middle finger. Okay, two if you count the one on his left hand.”

League officials are said to be reviewing the case; however, intervention is unlikely unless Freddie is accused of raining dollar bills on exotic dancers.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!