Vick’s dog tests positive

ATLANTA, GA — In a report expected for weeks, Commissioner Maurice “Money” Thomkins of the World Dog Fighting Association (WDFA) announced Michael Vick’s dog, Princess, had failed her latest drug test. Princess was immediately suspended from fighting in WDFA sanctioned fights for a period of 2 years.

“There’s no room for these performance enhancing drugs in the WDFA.” Thomkins told reporters Wednesday. “These cheaters could ruin the public’s perception of the WDFA – we can’t afford to have the legitimacy of our wonderful sport questioned.”

The suspension of Princess has been expected ever since referee Gary “Gomez” Carney found a secret compartment in Princess’ water bowl.

“I hate disqualifying a dog that has worked so hard to get to the WDFA, but rules are rules. Provision 6.1.B. specifically states that any dog that has peculiarities in a water dish must be immediately disqualified from the fight,” said a disheartened Carney after what has now become the infamous “Water Bowl Fight.”

At the time, Michael “Mike” Vick blamed the secret compartment on needing a place to store Princess’ “bling” – “My dog’s gotta roll in style; I don’t want Princess’ bling gettin’ stolen.”

Later that week, Princess was subjected to a “random” drug test. The report, released today, shows that Princess tested positive Clenbuterol (a steroid commonly used on horses) and – oddly enough – marijuana.

“Princess just ain’t been the same since she stopped fightin’,” a dejected Vick declared at the press conference. Before storming off, the Falcons’ QB shouted that, “this was only the A sample. We still have the B sample, and I’m confident it will prove Princess’ innocence. Me and Princess will fight this ’til the end.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!