Sox announce Farmer’s Tan and Beer Gut Night

CHICAGO, IL — With the team in a tailspin and the playoffs quickly becoming a near-impossibility, the Chicago White Sox PR and promotions departments have been developing a number of new theme nights to continue holding the interest of the team’s dwindling fan base.

The series will begin at the July 23^rd matchup against Detroit with Farmer’s Tan and Beer Gut Night, an event that Sox PR guru Brooks Boyer believes will “make the majority of our fans feel right at home without forcing them to dress up or really do anything special at all.” To Boyer’s credit, Sox fans surveyed by SSNN at a recent home game seem to agree.

“The beer gut part, at least, comes pretty natural to me,” said Abuna Demoz, a 26-year-old resident of Chicago’s Uptown neighborhood. “As an African-American, I still haven’t figured out how to get the farmer’s tan working – but that’s okay.”

Demoz was in the majority, with 67% of those polled saying they think the “Tan and Gut Night” (as it is being called colloquially) is a good idea.

“We’re still looking into whether we can add some extra mesh netting down the first and third base lines – as much as we want to encourage our fans to embrace their tan lines and bellies, we need to avoid anybody running onto the field and attacking opposing coaches,” Boyer told us. “If this doesn’t go smoothly, Reinsdorf is never going to give me the go-ahead on ‘Early Times Whiskey and Generic Cola Night.’”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!