Mets decide against Buehrle trade

NEW YORK, NY — Mark Buehrle is apparently not going to be traded anytime soon, as the New York Mets – White Sox GM Kenny Williams’ preferred trading partner for his ace – have decided that rather than trading for such a good pitcher, they are going to seek lower-quality players for their team.

“We thought long and hard about it, and in the end we simply couldn’t do it. Sure, a playoff run necessitates having good players on your team and Buehrle would do well for that task,” Mets GM Omar Minaya said. “But this is not fantasy baseball. This is real baseball. In real baseball, you have to consider other factors.”

The Mets are rumored to now be interested in either Jose Contreras or Javier Vazquez from the White Sox, as each of them is underperforming his potential and salary.

“Ideally, we can give up a solid prospect or two,” Minaya continued. “We’ve got Philip Humber and Mike Pelfrey, and we could probably trade one of them to Chicago for one of those crappier pitchers. That will ensure that we A) do not make the playoffs and B) spend the next five years getting second-guessed.”

For their part, the White Sox seem open to this line of thinking. GM Kenny Williams told SSNN, “I certainly understand Omar’s ‘two birds with one stone’ mentality; I’ve often tried to get rid of quality prospects in return for overpaid, aging has-beens as well; hell, I did it twice for Carl Everett in consecutive seasons.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!