Lakers disappoint Kobe again

LOS ANGELES, CA — The Los Angeles Lakers may have further damaged their ability to keep star player Kobe Bryant as a part of the team after failing to sign one of the most highly praised prospects in the nation. Lakers owner Jerry Buss personally flew to the home of 11-year-old Molly McDougal in an attempt to convince the rising superstar to join the club. She averaged 18.6 ppg for the Eastview Elementary School Hawks, and has impressed scouts with her willingness to put teammates in a position to score.

Team insiders told SSNN that Bryant personally requested that the team do whatever necessary to make McDougal a Laker for life. Unfortunately for the Lakers and their superstar, Buss was unable to seal the deal. “Look, I went down there and talked to Molly. I tried to show her how much we want her to be a part of this organization,” the owner sighed. “We tried everything. I offered her backstage passes to see Kelly Clarkson, all the candy she could handle. Hell, by the end I was telling her I would find a way to make her the newest PowerPuff Girl. For whatever reason, we just couldn’t offer enough. She really is a brat, if you ask me.” Shortly after learning McDougal wouldn’t join the Lakers, Bryant appeared on 713 radio stations throughout the United States and Canada to voice his displeasure over the failure and reiterate his trade request. As for McDougal, it seems she’s starting to favor the Miami Heat after Shaquille O’Neal offered to buy her a pony.