Donovan reconsiders tuna special

GAINESVILLE, FL — Minutes after placing his order, conflicted basketball coach Billy Donovan had second thoughts about the meal he had committed to eating at his favorite area restaurant, Harry’s Seafood Bar & Grille. Donovan – a devotee of Harry’s filet mignon – was originally seduced by the pitch for the Tuna Special given by veteran server Norma Weinstein.

“I just said that the Tuna Special might come back to the menu, it might not, but we know one thing for sure: it’s on the menu now and maybe it’s time to try something new. I don’t usually sell the specials that hard, but Billy looked like he was going to take a freaking eternity to make up his mind and I need to turn these tables over. I mean, it took him ten minutes to decide between a Coors Light and a Bud Light for chrissakes - get a grip (snort)!”

Despite Weinstein’s full-court press, Donovan agonized for minutes with the choice before agreeing to try the special. Shortly thereafter, Donovan was heard discussing the choice on his cell phone with his family, while motioning wildly to Ms. Weinstein in an unsuccessful attempt to get her attention.

Working himself into a frenzy, Donovan reportedly started muttering under his breath while trying to place a call to his well-known mentor, Rick Pitino. Pitino, a fellow steak devotee, is well known for having ordered the Seafood Surprise in Boston in 1997, a choice that culminated in little more than a toilet bowl full of loose stool.

“Had Billy tried to contact me sooner, I could have told him that choosing anything seafood-related was going to result in him pissing out of his ass,” said the Louisville head basketball coach. “Instead, he shit the bed and now he has to clean it up while lying in it – not my fault.”

By the time Donovan got back in contact with Ms. Weinstein, she had already given the order to the cooking staff. It is unclear whether or not the general manager of Harry’s will let him change his order without paying for the meal. A temporary ban from Harry’s salad bar is also being considered.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!