Culpepper blocks trade to Celtics

MIAMI, FL — The Miami Dolphins had been on the verge of trading disgruntled quarterback Daunte Culpepper to the Boston Celtics for nearly a week. Serious talks were thwarted after Culpepper’s agent, Daunte Culpepper, publicly announced that Boston was not a suitable destination for his number one client. “Daunte is looking to play for a serious contender, and Boston is not the ideal situation for him,” the high-profile agent said. “We have a short list of teams that he would like to play for, and Daunte will have the final say in the matter when the time comes. Daunte Culpepper is the best quarterback in the NFL and is poised to throw over 60 touchdowns this year. Basically, he’s da’ bomb that throws bombs.” Details of the proposed trade were not immediately available to the public; however, a source close to Boston GM Danny Ainge told SSNN that the deal would have included rising star Sebastian Telfair and a half-smoked Red Auerbach cigar. The Dolphins will continue to try and find a destination for Culpepper and are hoping his agent will be more cooperative in the process.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!