Cubs augment upcoming giveaway promotions

CHICAGO, IL — Despite trading catcher Michael Barrett to the San Diego Padres earlier this week, the Cubs announced Saturday that they still intend to go through with next Tuesday’s Michael Barrett Jersey Giveaway promotion. As an added bonus, the team announced that each jersey will have a small splatter of blood from one of Barrett’s many wounds after his fight with Carlos Zambrano. Cubs’ promotions consultant Steve Bartman said that the team felt it was important to give a little extra because Barrett is no longer with them. “This is just another example of the Cubs organization going the extra mile for their fans,” Bartman said. “And not to give too much away, but we’ve already decided to go ahead with Michael Barrett Bobblehead day as well. As an added incentive, they’ll be soaked in Rich Hill’s urine!” In a related story, the team announced another promotion for sometime in September when the Cubs are inevitably eliminated from the playoffs. The first 5,000 fans to the ballpark will receive a limited edition coffee table book, “1908-2007: 100 Years of Losing.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!