Coco Crisp cereal conundrum

BOSTON, MA — Boston Red Sox center fielder Coco Crisp is set to launch a new breakfast cereal to benefit longtime Red Sox-associated cancer research charity The Jimmy Fund.

There’s only one problem: he can’t settle on a name.

“It’s chocolatey and very crunchy, even after sitting in milk for a few minutes,” Crisp said. “I want a name that would stand for who I am as an individual, but it’s been harder than I could have ever imagined. Any ideas?”

Not since Mike Sweeney’s hot dogs and Rusty Kuntz’s feminine hygiene line has a baseball charity product presented such a naming challenge. Former NFL running back Tiki Barber faced a similar conundrum during his last year in the league.

“My agent suggested that I put out a line of these Hawaiian-style torches to benefit my favorite charity, but I couldn’t come up with a name for the life of me,” Barber recounts. “Still, if I have any advice for Coco it would be to avoid the easy way out: don’t just slap your own name on it.”

Crisp hopes that his cereal, once named, will be as popular as other recently launched celebrity charity cereals, most notably Ryan Seacrest’s “Fruit Loops” and R. Kelly’s “Statutory Rape Chex.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!