Chicago Gamblers Association suspects funny business

CHICAGO, IL — Last week’s fight between Chicago Cubs players Michael Barrett and zambrano »”>Carlos Zambrano is still making news. The Chicago Gamblers Association released a report today that alleges that the fight between Barrett and Zambrano was staged by the duo as part of a gambling conspiracy. Neither player was available for comment before the Cubs game with the Milwaukee Brewers.

The CGA investigation found that two people – under the assumed names Michael Catcher and Carlos Pitcher – each placed large bets early last week on who would be the first members of a Chicago baseball team to fight in public this year. The CGA said that the wagers were quite easy to find, as every other person betting in that category put their money on White Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski.

“It’s unfortunate that these two players felt the need to do this,” said CGA director Pete R. Ose. “I understand that both are in contract years for an awful team, so their futures in baseball are unsure. Still, the CGA cannot let something like this go unnoticed, and we will pursue further legal action against the two.”

Ose, a strangely familiar-looking man, said from his office littered with Reds, Expos and Phillies memorabilia that he understands why Zambrano and Barrett did what they did.

“Believe me, Pete R. Ose has been in a VERY similar predicament before,” he said. “I can totally see how a player, or even a manager for that matter, might turn to illegal betting.”