Yankees announce nickname contest

NEW YORK, NY — The New York Yankees announced a new contest that will allow fans to nickname the team’s newest pitcher, Kei Igawa. The team made the announcement Monday morning, in the wake of Friday’s 15-11 loss to the Seattle Mariners in which Igawa allowed three homers and eight earned runs in four innings. “There’s been a lot of confusion around our offices lately,” said general manager Brian Cashman. “George [Steinbrenner] keeps on calling Igawa ‘that fat toad,’ and I have to remind him that was our last overrated Japanese pitcher, Hideki Irabu.” Cashman said that it is important that fans vote and vote soon, as Igawa may not be with the team for much longer due to his 7.63 ERA and the recent signing of Roger Clemens. He added that to speed up the process the team has given the fans some suggestions. “It’s too early to say which is the favorite, but there are some that I’m fond of,” Cashman said. “Right now I really like ‘The Kei Doesn’t Fit in the Lock,’ and ‘In Japanese Igawa Means Mistake,’ but both of those are kind of long. The Boss wants to call him ‘Fat Toad, Part Deux’ — he’s a big fan of the Hot Shots films.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!