Woods struggling with nightmare

JUPITER ISLAND, FL — Things haven’t been going so great for Tiger Woods lately. He’s been unable to sleep for a couple weeks now and is constantly shaking with fear. The sleeping troubles come as a result of the vivid nightmare he experiences every time he closes his eyes. In the dream, Tiger says he’s running about ten miles ahead of Phil Mickelson and the rest of the PGA as they chase him. “They’re coming after me with everything they have, and with each dream they get closer and closer,” the frightened superstar said. “At this rate, I figure by the time I’m eighty they’ll finally catch me and tear me to pieces. I know that’s a long time from now, but just knowing that eventually it will happen is enough to keep me up all night. I don’t know what I’m going to do.” Woods has been scheduled to see a sleeping disorder specialist who will try to cure his malady. Though he admits to having similar dreams in the past involving PGA member David Duval, Tiger says they eventually seemed to simply fade away.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!