Wallace looking for revenge

CHICAGO, IL — If everything goes the way he hopes, Detroit Pistons power forward Rasheed Wallace will soon be face-to-face with the man that left his head disfigured forever. Wallace is rooting for the Cleveland Cavaliers, in hopes of meeting their starting power forward Drew Gooden, who is responsible for the missing patch of hair in the back of his head.

With his Pistons up 3-0 in their best-of-seven series against the Chicago Bulls, Wallace is feeling good about his team’s chances at advancing to the NBA Eastern Conference Finals. In order for his shot at redemption to become a reality, the Cleveland Cavaliers – up 2-0 in their series – have to defeat the New Jersey Nets.

Many have wondered what the strange spot is, and for quite some time Wallace has maintained that it is a birthmark. However, the volatile Piston revealed exclusively to SSNN the true cause for the abnormality, and the role Gooden played in its creation.

“Drew came to me a while back and told me that he’d been feeling insecure about not being able to grow a full head of hair like I can,” the NBA’s technical foul leader said. “We were rippin’ tubes and he just kept saying how much he admired my hair, and how he wished he could just have a piece of it for himself. I thought he was just saying that [stuff] cause he was drunk, but when I woke up the next morning I had this funky spot on the back of my dome.”

While Gooden denied any involvement in the random hair loss when Wallace confronted him, he mysteriously grew a patch of hair at the bottom of the back of his head, just above the neck. Gooden typically wears a headband that somewhat obscures the curious patch of hair from view, but it’s not hard to see when the cameras zoom in during games.

SSNN’s digital photo department compared the bare patch on the back of Wallace’s head and the hair on the back of Gooden’s head and the results confirmed the two are an exact match in shape and size. After the Cavs shoot-around Friday morning, SSNN confronted Gooden with the damning evidence and got his side of the story.

“Ya’ll are crazy if you think that I’m gonna give these lovely locks back to ‘Sheed,” the 2002 fourth overall pick said. “I took the clippers to his head the second he passed out and I broke out. Took myself down to Ace Hardware for some crazy glue, and the rest is history. Tell ‘Sheed I got some hair somewhere else he can have, but I’m not sure if he’s looking to get a Jheri Curl. Come get some, bitch.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!