Wade to have surgery

MIAMI, FL — The Miami Heat announced Monday that guard Dwyane Wade will undergo surgery sometime this summer. Wade missed 23 games this season due to a dislocated shoulder suffered in a February 21 game against the Houston Rockets. The Heat are now demanding that Wade have the surgery, even though the All-Star told SSNN that his shoulder did not bother him after his return from the injury. “The shoulder feels fine. This has nothing to do with the shoulder thing,” he said. “I’m actually having surgery to remove my tear ducts. You cry during one NBA game and everyone makes fun of you – no way I’m going through that again.” Wade said that no date for the surgery has been set because of a special request on his part. He apparently refused to go to any hospital with wheelchairs, largely because of the verbal abuse he took from other players after being wheeled off the court after sustaining the dislocation. “Some guys in the league can be really mean. They started calling me ‘Wheelchair Wade,’ and it kinda hurt my feelings. What am I supposed to do? I hurt my shoulder and I couldn’t walk off the court, is that so wrong? Well, from now on I’m not gonna ham it up when I get dinged up, and I’m not gonna shed a single tear – literally.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!