Van Gundy headed for better place

HOUSTON, TX — According to a source within the Houston Rockets organization, head coach Jeff Van Gundy will announce Monday that he is leaving the team. The source added that it is unlikely that Van Gundy will return to coaching. Van Gundy became the Rockets’ head coach in 2003 and over the past four years he has compiled a 182-146 record and three playoff appearances, all ending in first-round losses. “There’s no way he’s coming back, he’s already said goodbye to most of the Rockets’ organization,” the source said. “He’s obviously burned out and stressed out. If he had hair to lose he would have lost it.” Van Gundy coached the New York Knicks for seven years before coming to Houston. According to the source, Van Gundy plans on spending the next two to three years at his vacation home around Alonzo Mourning’s ankles. “He’s always said that the only time he feels safe is when he’s hugging Zo’s legs. Since that first embrace in 1998, it’s all he’s been able to think about. At the end of the season, some guys look forward to hanging out with their families. Jeff looks forward to hanging around Zo’s ankles.” The source also suggested that Van Gundy “had no incentive” to coach his Rockets to a Game 7 victory over Utah, given that Mourning’s Heat team had already been eliminated.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!