Stern study disputes racial bias

NEW YORK, NY — NBA commissioner David Stern released his own personal study of referees on Saturday and once again said that racism is not a problem with officials. Earlier this week a study was released that suggested that NBA referees had a racial bias when making calls.

“We found absolutely no correlation between referees’ calls and race,” Stern said. “But that’s not to say our study did not find problems with our officials – we did uncover a disturbing trend.”

Stern said the study did show a tendency towards what he called “blatant sexism among certain referees.” Stern alleges that some referees called a significant amount more fouls against the opposite sex, while at the same time calling none against the same sex.

“Violet Palmer, particularly, was embarrassingly sexist,” Stern said. “Since Ms. Palmer came into the league in 1997, literally every one of her fouls have come against males. Not one against a female. I have scheduled a meeting with her for next week, and I expect a reasonable explanation for this alarming statistic.”

Stern added that the study found some other interesting information.

“Oddly enough, the study also showed that our female referees were bad drivers and much moodier than their male counterparts,” he said. “Don’t shoot the messenger, ladies. I’ve got pages and pages of statistics to back this up.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!