Serial thief finally apprehended

LOS ANGELES, CA — After a five-month investigation, the Los Angeles Police Department has finally solved the case of the infamous ‘jock strap bandit,’ who has been raiding LA-area pro sports locker rooms for undergarments since late 2005. Actress Alyssa Milano was caught red-handed trying to sneak into the Los Angeles Dodgers locker room early Friday morning.

“It appears Ms. Milano has a thing for baseball players’ underwear, and has been chasing them all over the country,” LAPD police spokesman Axel Foley said. “We believe it all started with New York Yankees pitcher Carl Pavano. Once she got a hold of his jock strap, it seems she just couldn’t stop. She even managed to get a hold of David Eckstein’s. Clearly she’s terribly disturbed.”

Police raided Milano’s Beverly Hills estate and found nearly 170 jock straps in a hidden room, sorted alphabetically by owner. From Derek Jeter to Vladimir Guerrero, Milano’s closet was a virtual who’s who of codpieces. What she did with them is up for debate, but sources close to the investigation revealed that police believe Milano is currently seeking for her addiction at a rehabilitation center in Los Angeles.

Apparently they’re trying to replace her jock strap-fetish with something more reasonable – like biker shorts. Floyd Landis has reportedly offered his pair from Tour de France to speed along her recovery.