O’Neal calls cops, gets arrested

INDIANAPOLIS, IN — Police responded to an anonymous report of “a big ol’ black dude wavin’ a gat around” in the parking lot of Indianapolis’ Club Rio strip club late Friday night to find Indiana Pacers star Jermaine O’Neal literally dancing in circles and gesticulating with a 9 mm handgun.

When officers told O’Neal he would be free to go if he would simply put his registered weapon away, the All-Star power forward fired three rounds into the tires of his own car and continued his frantic movements until he was arrested. Upon examining the Pacer’s vehicle, police discovered a Ziploc bag filled with oregano in the console and a pre-paid cell phone showing a 911 call, suggesting that it was O’Neal himself who alerted authorities to his erratic behavior.

“It’s pretty clear to me that just acting unhappy and saying I don’t like being here is not going to get me traded,” O’Neal told reporters on the courthouse steps after his release on bail.

“When Ste-Jack got popped for firing his gun outside a strip club, he was gone like a month later. I’m hoping that now Larry [Bird] and Donnie [Walsh] will work as hard to move me as they did with Steve. As far as the oregano, I thought some marijuana in the car would seal the deal. Unfortunately, my source doesn’t seem to have been very trustworthy.”

The Pacers’ front office refused to comment on O’Neal’s status with the team, but SSNN’s NBA sources report that the Portland TrailBlazers are suddenly interested in reacquiring the player they originally dealt to Indiana for Dale Davis.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!