NBA Draft Lottery cancelled

SECAUCUS, NJ — Ending year after year of an empty charade, NBA Commissioner David Stern announced late Monday that the league will cancel it’s annual Draft Lottery. “It gets to a point with things like this where everyone starts to see through a ruse,” Stern told reporters at the league’s New Jersey office. “Everybody knows we just give the top pick to whoever we want, so we finally decided to scrap the public display of impartiality and just announce who the top pick will go to.” Though he insists the NBA is through misleading its fans, Stern also refused to announce where the top pick (and presumably Ohio State center Greg Oden) will land. “Don’t get me wrong, we’ll still have the TV special – I mean, we can still drag out the announcement over a half-hour period and rake in some cash. We’re just going to do away with all the ‘lottery ball’ crap.” Stern would not confirm or deny a rumor that non-lottery teams would be eligible for the top picks under the new format, leading to widespread speculation that the Lakers, Knicks and Bulls are the front-runners for the number one overall selection.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!