NASCAR teams with Springer

TALLADEGA, AL — The stars of NASCAR will be appearing in an unusual setting soon, after officials announced a new deal involving talk show host Jerry Springer. The move is an attempt to draw more attention to the interpersonal conflicts that NASCAR’s drivers are so often engaged in.

NASCAR fans have become accustomed to the heated rivalries between drivers that flare up before, during and after races. These disputes are different than those of other professional sports because drivers can take out angst against one another from behind the wheel of a car traveling in excess of 190 mph.

“We’re extremely happy to bring NASCAR and Jerry Springer together in a venture that will benefit everyone,” said NASCAR spokesman Billy Bob Johnson. “The type of people that are on the show and the people that watch it at home are largely among our fan base. Now our drivers can connect with their fans on a whole new level.”

The show will feature drivers that have had conflicts with one another in the past and will exploit them for a national television audience. Drivers Matt Kenseth and Tony Stewart are expected to be the first guests on the program after their battle of words during the 2006 season.

Though the two supposedly made peace with one, SSNN sources hinted there is still some bad blood. If their responses to questions about the relationship are any indication, Springer is going to have his hands full.

“He just keeps on makin’ the same ol’ promises to me all the time and I just can’t listen anymore, I swear it,” Stewart said, with a desperate twinkle in his eye. “He swears he’s gonna change his crazy ways, but then he goes and does something different. It’s like I don’t even know him anymore.”

Kenseth on the other hand, feels that Stewart is blowing the situation completely out of proportion.

“It’s not like we’re like officially friends or nothing; I can talk to and hang out with whoever I want,” the 2003 Winston Cup Champion told SSNN, as his wife and two cats stood by. “I’m a free man and I don’t have to listen to him. He’s just a dirty driver that’s been friends with every other driver – not the kind of guy you bring home to mama.”

With barbs like these flying before the show is even taped, it’s fair to say NASCAR fans will see a different side of their favorite drivers. The show featuring Stewart and Kenseth will air in early fall, with an episode titled “I slept with the pit crew and I don’t know who the daddy is” set to appear later in the season.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!