EXPOSÉ: MLB opening Cuban pipeline

MIAMI, FL — In town covering the 2007 Miami Beach Bounce-Off, SSNN staff unknowingly stumbled upon evidence of a scandal in Major League Baseball that could be even more damaging than steroids.

Down the beach from the Bounce-Off, inside a padded green fence and behind a door that appeared as though it would have been impenetrable had it been closed was what appeared to be the end of a mammoth pipeline leading straight into the Gulf of Mexico. The league has constructed a subway tunnel leading from Miami to Cuba, apparently to save teams the trouble of waiting for Cuban players to make the journey themselves.

In the past, it has taken weeks for players to cross the Gulf on fishing boats overflowing with passengers. That kind of lag time can be debilitating to a squad in need of a pitcher to make their playoff push.

The tunnel is equipped with a high-speed train – similar to those used in Europe – that can attain speeds in excess of 200 mp and is slangily referred to as the “Yankee Express.” Cuban players are required to have an MLB identification badge to board the train and are not allowed to bring family members until they meet certain on-field criteria.

For example, an All-Star appearance earns a Cuban player the option to give train tickets to either a spouse or parent, but it takes a World Series victory before any children are allowed.

Commissioner Bud Selig could not be reached for comment during the course of this investigation, but his office did say he that would be “available to all media regarding the subject of the Cuban pipeline once George Mitchell’s steroid investigation is complete.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!