Ditka introduces Grabowski Grill

CHICAGO, IL — In the wake of successful ventures into the wine and cigar markets, NFL Hall of Famer Mike Ditka is introducing his own portable grill, in the general mold of George Foreman’s “Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine.”

Ditka’s fryer will be called the Grabowski Grill, and rather than have a tilted base to minimize grease like the Foreman, it will feature a griddle sloping ever-so-slightly towards the middle, so that juices collect in a pool around the meat as it is grilled.

“My Kick Ass Red [Wine] was just a prelude to this grill. I think the Grabowski Grill is gonna blow that fat boxer out of the water,” Da’ Coach told SSNN. “I see this grill from Foreman, and I’m thinking, ‘Who wants a steak after all the juices have been sucked out into a stupid fat tray?’ Not me. I want all that flavor in the meat.”

While the validity of the Foreman Grill’s “Fat Reducing” claim has often been called into question, Ditka assured SSNN that there is no doubt eating food from his grill will increase toughness and strengthen constitution.

The product will at-first be available only in Chicago, because as Ditka puts it, “that’s where they love me the most. And also it might be the only major city that wants to soak it’s meat in fat.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!