Cuban holding grudge

DALLAS, TX — Dallas Mavericks’ owner Mark Cuban refuses to let his feud with former Mavs head coach Don Nelson die. Cuban announced Monday that he has purchased the Utah Jazz, the team that is playing Nelson’s current squad – the Golden State Warriors – in the second round of the NBA playoffs. Cuban spoke briefly to SSNN about his motivations for the purchase. “Don is such a clown,” Cuban said. “He thinks I owe him $6 million, but the only thing I owe him is an ass-whooping. And trust me, we internet billionaires are a tough breed.” Nelson refused to comment on the matter, instead electing to talk about his own “impeccable” fashion sense. “Tonight I will be sporting a five-dollar Target t-shirt, augmented by this $20 thrift store blazer,” Nelson said. “Because of a monetary dispute with a previous employer, I am doing my clothes shopping on a pretty strict budget these days. If we make it to the Western Conference Finals, I might have to coach in my pajamas – no one wants to see that.” Though NBA officials approved the sale of the Jazz to Cuban, a group of owners led by Jerry Reinsdorf are filing a formal complaint with the league. It argues that Cuban owning two squads in the same conference represents a major, inappropriate conflict of interest. “If it was anyone else, we’d probably be okay with it,” Reinsdorf said. “Truth be told, we just think that spoiled bastard deserves to lose every penny – the conflict of interest thing is really a formality.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!