Brewers fined, renamed

MILWAUKEE, WI — The Milwaukee Brewers were fined an undisclosed amount by Major League Baseball on Thursday for their reluctance to change their name. In the aftermath of Josh Hancock’s death, many major league teams have banned alcohol from their clubhouses; in light of that, the name was deemed insensitive. “It’s all just a miscommunication, we’re sure this whole thing will go away once we explain ourselves,” said Brewer general manager Doug Melvin. Melvin said that the team had already agreed to become the Wisconsin Brewers, and had no idea that “Brewers” was the insensitive part of the nickname. “A lot of people hear ‘Milwaukee’ and vomit immediately,” Melvin said. “It’s a huge problem, and it’s really hurt our attendance.” Melvin added that the team will now comply with the league’s request and change their name to the Milwaukee Not-the-Cubs. The St. Louis Cardinals and Chicago White Sox organizations are said to be disappointed that they were beaten to the punch.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!