Bonds enters supplement market

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — As Barry Bonds inches closer to the all-time home run record, little leaguers across the country are hoping to be just like him when they grow up. After Tuesday, it seems those kids will actually have a chance; and Bonds could be the one giving it to them. “You know, natural ability will only take you so far in baseball. It’s important to recognize the other factors at play in determining success on the field,” the fan-friendly superstar told a gathering of fans and media at a press conference. “The weight room is one area that kids are going to have to become familiar with, and that’s where the ‘Bonds Mystery Mix’ can be such a big boost. This supplement mix contains thirty-six different pills that may or may not be just what a kid needs to take his game to the next level. I don’t know exactly what they put in the box, but I believe flaxseed oil is involved.” Bonds expects those who take the “Mystery” pills will see results in as little as two weeks – increased stamina, strength and improved eye coordination are only a few of the expected effects. The mix goes on sale next month in the back corner of a dirty high school gymnasium near you.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!