Blackhawks to play 2007-08 on Lake Michigan

CHICAGO, IL — After a season of miserably bad attendance, the once-proud Chicago Blackhawks have announced plans to leave the United Center and play their 2007-08 home games on Lake Michigan. The Hawks, despite residing in one of the biggest cities in the league, finished second-to-last in attendance, drawing a mere 12,727 fans per contest – more than 8,000 fewer than Montreal, the league leader in home attendance.

“It just doesn’t make sense for us to charge for tickets any more,” team owner Bill Wirtz told SSNN. “People complain about not getting to see the home games on TV - well now they can just go down to North Beach and watch them live.” Games will be open to “anybody willing to stand on a beach or sit on some metal bleachers in the freezing cold.”

Long-time Blackhawks fan James “Jimbo” Miklakovic, for one, is excited about the change.

“That big building was like a giant echo chamber, and it was starting to creep me out. This gives me and the 15 other remaining Hawks fans a chance to prove our toughness,” Miklakovic said. “And it also means we don’t have to keep buying 900 tickets apiece every game to keep our attendance numbers out of the cellar.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!